My Deck’s New Home, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Letter
I got a letter today. It was from something called the Bank of Unmet Expectations. It was very official-looking, with a seal that looked like a sad, upside-down star, and it said my tarot deck had been “foreclosed upon.” I didn’t know a deck of cards could have a bank account, but then again, I also didn’t know that “The Tower” card meant anything other than a really nice place to live with a view. So I guess I’m learning a lot today.
The letter said I have to hand over my deck to a “collection agent” by next Tuesday. I don’t know who that is, but I imagine it’s someone who collects things, like stamps or seashells, and now they want to collect my cards. That’s lovely! I hope they enjoy them. The cards have always been very friendly. Sometimes they tell me things like “You will meet a tall, dark stranger who owes you money,” but I think that’s just the Five of Pentacles being dramatic. It’s a very dramatic card.
I’m not afraid, of course. Why would I be? The universe is basically a big, friendly hug, and this is just the universe giving my deck a new hug. I think the Bank of Unmet Expectations is probably a very kind place. They just expect things, and if you don’t meet them, they take your stuff. That’s just good business. I expect my toast to be golden brown, and when it’s burnt, I throw it away. Same principle.
I tried to call the bank to ask about my deck’s loan. The lady on the phone sounded like she was made of glass. She kept saying things like “Your collateral is insufficient” and “The interest on your soul is non-negotiable.” I said, “That’s fine! I don’t need my soul for anything right now—I’m using it to hold my keys.” She sighed. It was a very deep sigh. I think she was tired. Maybe the bank is having a busy day.
But then I started thinking: what if my deck wants to be foreclosed upon? I mean, every time I pull the Death card, I say, “Oh, no, not again!” but maybe the card is just asking for a fresh start. Maybe the Bank of Unmet Expectations is just a real estate agent for cards who need a change of scenery. The Hanged Man has been hanging upside down for so long—maybe he just wants to be an upright card for once. I can respect that.
The collection agent is coming tomorrow. I’m going to make them tea. I hope they like chamomile. It’s very calming. I’ll probably ask them if they want to play a quick game of “What Card Am I Thinking Of?” before they take the deck. They might say yes! People love games. And if they don’t, that’s okay. I’ll just wave goodbye to my cards as they go to their new, very expectant home.
I’m not worried. I am the Fool. And what an adventure this is going to be.