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[Cold Read] Field Notes From the Six of Cups: Nostalgia Is a Burglar, Not a Guest

Oct 17, 2026

AUTOPSY REPORT #SC-006 SUBJECT: Six of Cups (Rider-Waite-Smith), recovered from active spread EXAMINER: The Coroner DATE OF EXAMINATION: Immediate. The body was still warm. It usually is. PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The subject presents as a card of apparent harmlessness:...

[Exhibit A] Statement From The Ace of Swords: I Didn’t Cause The Drama, You Did

Oct 15, 2026

CASE FILE NO. AOS-1173-Δ SUBJECT: THE ACE OF SWORDS CLASSIFICATION: INSTRUMENT OF CLARITY (SELF-DECLARED) STATUS: STATEMENT RECEIVED, UNVERIFIED I. PRELIMINARY NOTE The following statement was submitted to this office by the Subject on the morning of the reading,...

[The Tourist] Funeral notice: your most useful excuse has finally passed

Oct 12, 2026

Funeral Notice: Your Most Useful Excuse Has Finally Passed Friends, mourners, seekers, and whoever is standing in the back holding a sandwich they did not pay for — we gather today to say goodbye to a legend. A titan. A thing we all loved and leaned on and never once...

[Cold Read] Tarot Spread Audit: Missing Major Arcana Like Receipts From Another Life

Oct 10, 2026

FORENSIC TAROT ANALYSIS — CASE #4471-MA SUBJECT: A standard ten-card Celtic Cross, recovered from a reading table at 2:14 AM, Eastern Standard Time. PRESENTING COMPLAINT: The querent drew ten cards. Zero of them were Major Arcana. The deck, it should be noted,...

[Exhibit A] Affidavit of Misplaced Premonition: The Temperance Card Mixed Up Your Dates

Oct 5, 2026

CASE FILE 77-TMP-04 CLASSIFICATION: ROUTINE / NON-ACTIONABLE SUBJECT: UNNAMED (REFERENCED HEREAFTER AS “THE SUBJECT”) DISTRIBUTION: Office of Chronological Compliance; Bureau of Minor Prophecy; Records Retention, Annex C; the Subject (posthumously, pending...

[Cold Read] Receipt Printer Testimony: Every Tarot Spread Charges You Per Confession

Oct 3, 2026

CASE FILE: 2024-TAR-0666 SUBJECT: The Tarot Spread as Transactional Ledger EXAMINER: The Coroner STATUS: Closed. Cause of death listed. Next of kin notified. They didn’t care. PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The body was discovered at 3:47 AM, slumped over a reading table....

[The Tourist] Exhibit A: The Moon Card Used Your Thoughts as Clickbait for Entities

Oct 1, 2026

I found the Moon card last Tuesday and I have to say, I think it’s being a little dramatic. Everyone keeps telling me the Moon is about illusion, fear, the subconscious, “things that are not as they seem.” They say it with that voice people use when they...

[Your Actual Problem] Tarot Card Labels You as Noncompliant With Reality in Triplicate

Sep 28, 2026

Tarot Card Labels You as Noncompliant With Reality in Triplicate You wanted a reading. You wanted a story about your ex, your career, your “season of transformation.” You wanted language soft enough to nap on. The cards gave you a diagnosis. You drew...

[Your Actual Problem] Tarot Reading Found Your Alias in the Minor Arcana DMV File

Sep 26, 2026

You asked about the Queen of Swords. You said you wanted clarity. You said you were ready to cut. You came to me with that clean, cold image of yourself—the woman with the raised blade, the one who’s done being lied to, the one who reads people like receipts. I...

[Cold Read] Chain of Custody Report: How Many Times Your Spread Was Re-shuffled After You Left

Sep 24, 2026

FORENSIC TAROT ANALYSIS — CASE FILE #4471-C SUBJECT: The Spread You Left On The Table EXAMINER: The Coroner STATUS: Cold. Very cold. PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The subject arrived on my slab at 11:47 PM. A standard ten-card Celtic Cross, dealt by a reader who had, by all...

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