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[The Tourist] Compliance Notice: The Judgement Card Reviewed Your Previous Excuses and Denied Them

Sep 21, 2026

I have been a professional tarot reader for twenty minutes, which makes me, at this point, essentially a tenured professor of the subject. I have read one card. It was The Fool. I understood it immediately. It said “begin,” so I began, and then I read a...

[Statement From The Deck] Incident Report: The Chariot Would Only Answer In Permission Slips

Sep 19, 2026

Incident Report: The Chariot Would Only Answer In Permission Slips To the reader who pulled me on a Tuesday, in a dim kitchen, over a question you already knew the answer to— You wanted a green light. I gave you paperwork. I know how it looked. You shuffled, you cut,...

[Statement From The Deck] Risk Assessment Summary: Page of Cups Incident With Confidential Feelings

Sep 17, 2026

Risk Assessment Summary: Page of Cups Incident With Confidential Feelings I am the Page of Cups, and I would like to file a formal complaint. For those unfamiliar with the internal politics of a tarot deck, allow me to introduce myself: I am the youngest member of the...

[Trend Report] Incident Report: The Star Card Started Crowdsourcing Your Trauma

Sep 14, 2026

Incident Report: The Star Card Started Crowdsourcing Your Trauma The Star (XVII) is the card that shows up to your crisis looking like a Glossier ad. Naked on the riverbank, one knee bent just so, pouring water into water and water onto land — girl, that’s not...

[Filed Under Over] Affidavit of Misread Timing: The Devil Signed for Your Delay

Sep 12, 2026

Affidavit of Misread Timing: The Devil Signed for Your Delay In Memory of: The Question “Where Is This Going?” Asked 2019–2024. Died the way it lived: on a Sunday, at brunch, over a second coffee that was already cold. It is survived by nothing. It was...

[Cold Read] Therapist’s bill attached: Three Cards, One Copy-Paste Apology Script

Sep 10, 2026

FORENSIC TAROT AUTOPSY REPORT Case No. 003-THERAPIST-BILL Subject: Three-Card Spread, Recovered From a Charging Cable and a Half-Eaten Protein Bar Examiner: The Coroner Time of Death: Approximately Three Weeks Ago, Though Nobody Noticed Until the Invoice Arrived...

[The Tourist] Evidence Locker: The High Priestess Returned My Lost Keys Backwards

Sep 7, 2026

Evidence Locker: The High Priestess Returned My Lost Keys Backwards I want to start by saying I am not afraid. I have never been afraid, not once, not even when the toaster made that noise that sounded like a goat, and I think that is important context for what I am...

[Cold Read] Tarot Reader Discovers Spread Is Billing Them For Emotional Interest

Sep 5, 2026

OFFICE OF THE CORONER FORENSIC TAROT ANALYSIS – CASE FILE #7741-B SUBJECT: Tarot Reader, Self-Employed, 34. Presenting complaint: “My spread is charging me interest on emotional labor.” PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The decedent—emotionally, financially, and...

[Cold Read] Death certificate issued: the belief that this reading would be different

Sep 3, 2026

OFFICE OF THE CORONER FORENSIC TAROT DIVISION CASE FILE № 666-A DECEDENT: The belief that this reading would be different. DATE OF ADMISSION: The moment you shuffled. CAUSE OF DEATH: Pending. Let’s cut. PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The body was discovered slumped over a...

[Filed Under Over] Tarot Reader Files Triage Report After Cards Start Predicting Themselves

Aug 31, 2026

IN MEMORY OF: THE TAROT READER’S AUTHORITY Born: The first time you shuffled with certainty. Died: The Tuesday the cards began shuffling you. Funeral arrangements are private, but the séance will be public. It is with a heavy heart and a slightly singed deck that we...

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