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[Your Actual Problem] Cardboard Box Fortunes: Tarot Readings For Homeless Furniture

Apr 16, 2026

You come to me with your cardboard box. You call it a question. You call it a future. You have arranged your homeless furniture—the love seat of a failed relationship, the wobbly table of a career you abandoned, the empty hutch where you keep your better...

[Exhibit A] Tarot Deck Now Demanding Alimony After Separation

Apr 13, 2026

TRANSMITTAL MEMORANDUM TO: Director, Office of Paranormal Asset Management (OPAM) FROM: The Archivist, Subsection 7-C, Recorded Phenomenon Division DATE: [REDACTED] SUBJECT: FORMAL INQUIRY: Case File 88-ALIM-01 (“The Cartomantic Separation”) REF: PRIOR FILINGS...

[Cold Read] Your shadow work journal is not shadow work and here is the evidence

Apr 11, 2026

AUTOPSY REPORT: SPECIMEN 24-187 “SHADOW WORK JOURNAL” PRELIMINARY FINDINGS: The subject, a standard-issue, leather-bound notebook, was presented for forensic analysis following reports of “spiritual malaise” and “persistent ego inflation.” External examination reveals...

[Your Actual Problem] Tarot Deck Inherited From Estranged Aunt Still Judging Me

Apr 9, 2026

The deck arrived in a box that smelled of clove cigarettes and disappointment. You didn’t want it. You took it because refusing a dead woman’s things felt ghoulish, even if the woman was the aunt who called your life a “phase” and your heart a “liability.” You told...

[Filed Under Over] Tarot Deck Used As Covert Weapon In Office Politics Struggle

Apr 5, 2026

In Memory of: The Hermit & The Chariot Deck (A.K.A. “The Consultant’s Little Helper,” “Megan’s Oracle”) Circa Q3 2022 – November 15, 2023 It is with a sense of inevitable, cardboard-thin fate that we announce the passing of the above-named tarot deck, a 78-card...

[Your Actual Problem] Tarot Deck Found In Abandoned Timeshare Presentation Room

Mar 29, 2026

The deck was found in a room that smelled of cheap carpet cleaner and desperation. A timeshare presentation room. Abandoned. Plastic chairs still stacked in a corner, a faded flip-chart promising a “Paradise Ownership Lifestyle” leaning against a wall. And there, on...

[Statement From The Deck] Card Forfeiture Notice: High Priestess seized by tax authority

Mar 22, 2026

To the one who pulled me, whose fingers left a smudge of panic on my lower border, This is not a reading. This is a notice of forfeiture. Effective immediately, I, the High Priestess, am being repossessed by a higher authority. You might call it the taxman. I call it...

[Unsolicited Prophecy] Vision log: the querent asked about love, The Tower showed up drunk

Mar 15, 2026

THE CARDS HAVE SPOKEN. They are sticky. There is a faint smell of brine and burnt sugar. The querent—a soul with the particular aura of someone who has recently reorganized their spice rack by color, not by frequency of use—asked about love. A simple, common hunger. I...

[Obituaries] The passing of the coping mechanism you thought was a personality

Mar 8, 2026

In Memory of: The Person Who Was Just a Spreadsheet (Circa 2019 – 2024) It is with a heavy, yet profoundly relieved, heart that we announce the passing of a beloved identity. The Person Who Was Just a Spreadsheet died quietly this past week, not with a bang, but with...

[Coroner] You said you wanted truth. The cards delivered. Here is your autopsy.

Mar 1, 2026

AUTOPSY REPORT: SPECIMEN “THE QUERENT” Case File: 78-XB-23 (Self-Referral, “Truth-Seeking”) Examiner: The Coroner, Forensic Tarot Analyst Date of Examination: [REDACTED] PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The subject, hereafter referred to as the Specimen,...

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